


Ripped at Every Edge (Masterpiece)

by Dont_Feed_Da_Elves



Category: TMNT (2007), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Family, Leo is not okay, Sort of? - Freeform, a season 2 canon divergence thats a lead up to the 2007 movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 13:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12343620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dont_Feed_Da_Elves/pseuds/Dont_Feed_Da_Elves
Summary: After Karai is mutated, the Hamato family is left to pick up the pieces of their small, shattered family. Leonardo is trying, perhaps too hard, and instead of paddling himself to safety, he's just created a whirlpool.And he's being sucked down.





	Ripped at Every Edge (Masterpiece)

**Author's Note:**

> ~~God, I haven't posted anything on here in ages~~
> 
>  
> 
> I've been going through the fics on my computer and realized that most of this was written, I just had the last part to add. So I whipped this up really fast and figured I'd post.
> 
> This takes place in season 2, right after episode 22 (Vengeance is Mine), right after Karai/Miwa was mutated (because that was the last episode I watched, whoops). Anyways, the end of the episode really got to me for some reason (probably reading too much into it) and I wanted to write a tag to it. But it sort of spiraled into a reason as to why Leo left for Central America in the 2007 movie (I don't care what people say, I love that damn movie so much, don't you judge me).
> 
> Anyways, enjoy! :)

It's a week later. 

One full week after they rescue Karai. Seven days since father and daughter were reunited. One hundred and sixty hours since Miwa was mutated. Ten thousand and eight minutes since Raphael was nearly blinded in one eye. Six hundred four thousand eight hundred seconds since Master Splinter walked away with a heavy heart and disappointed footsteps.

Six hundred four thousand eight hundred and one seconds.

Six hundred four thousand eight hundred and two.

Six hundred four thousand eight hundred and three.

Six hundred four thousand eight hundred and four...

Leo gasps for breath as the old rat's walking stick bangs against the floor. Sweat rolls down his face, no longer getting caught in his wet mask. His knees are trembling with the effort of holding himself up and he clenches his swords tightly in his hands to prevent them from shaking as well.

He can't let them see. 

Besides him, Mikey collapses to the ground. Donnie’s staff is the only thing holding him up on his other side. Leo can hear Raph behind them, rapid breathing matching his own.

He doesn’t turn around to look.

“Again.” Master Splinter’s voice is loud and faintly echoic to Leo for some reason. He’s standing just off to the side, but Leo has to turn his head to see him. He has to do that a lot lately- ever since Karai smoked him.

Six hundred four thousand eight hundred and fifty-six seconds ago.

Mikey lets out a soft groan from the floor, not even bothering to raise his head. His nunchucks are lying by his hands, just a finger’s length out of reach, but his hands spasm slightly instead. Leo quickly glances away, focusing instead on his own health condition.

“Come on, Sensei,” Raph tries, his words wet and slurred in his mouth. “We’ve about had it; I dunno how much longer we can go.”

Their father narrows his eyes further. “I said again.”

“It’s not that we didn’t hear you, Master Splinter,” Donnie tries. He’s putting so much weight on the staff, Leo’s surprised it’s not broken. “It’s more like we might drop from exhaustion if we move a muscle.”

Donnie’s always been good with words, Leo muses for a second. But then his knees vibrate and he focuses again. Maybe he’ll get through.

“There will be no more dropping in his family,” Master Splinter states, and Leo swears he hears hostility in his voice. He feels Raph flinch. “And there will be no more arguing of my orders, either.” Leo glances away. He swears Master Splinter is looking right at him; he’s not too sure, though, since something’s wrong with his peripheral vision.

“Again.”

Mikey groans again and a flash of white catches Leo’s eye. He jumps, spinning slightly to see clearly, and his swords go flying, clattering to the ground. Mikey yelps and scrambles away, eyes wide.

Everyone is staring at him. But Leo is looking at the white bandage adorning Mikey’s upper arm, finally processing what happened. There’s no threat; everything’s alright. Donnie’s looking at him like he grew a second head, but that’s okay. Leo can live with that.

He’s not sure he can live with the disappointment in his father’s eyes.

“What the hell, dude?” Mikey asks, chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Uh…” Leo says, trying to form coherent words. It’s no use; all his attention is on trying not fall over.

“Is something wrong, Leonardo?” Master Splinter asks.

_Yes_ , Leo thinks. There’s so much that’s wrong: Karai being mutated, the loss of his daughter-again. Mikey and Raph were hurt.

He disobeyed orders.

Instead, Leo blinks. “No, Sensei,” he says quietly. He watches as Mikey stands eyeing him suspiciously, Raph handing him his weapons.

“Again.”

As the others, now wordless, fall into position, Leo bends to pick up his own swords.

Six hundred five thousand one hundred thirty-two seconds…

At six hundred twelve thousand nine hundred forty-two seconds, Master Splinter calls a halt. The turtles all drop, save Leo, who doesn’t move. He can’t, barely sees as the old rat’s tail flicks around the corner. He can hear his brothers groan and pant, but he tries not to.

The dojo is silent for a long time. Leo can hear Mikey’s breath slow and knows he’s going to sleep right there on the floor if someone doesn’t do something. Leo doesn’t think Mikey would appreciate that in the morning, and usually he’d be the one to urge them out into the living room, but at the moment, he doesn’t have the energy to open his mouth.

At least Raph is also aware of this.

“Come on, guys,” his brother growls, and Leo hears the sound of sais being sheathed. “Let’s go to bed.”

While Mikey merely hums in agreement, Donnie is silent. Leo sees blurs in his peripheral move and tries to focus, but nothing happens; it’s all colors and no shapes anymore.

Leo doesn’t move, standing rooted to the spot, swords still poised in his tight hands. Donnie passes him first, practically dragging Mikey behind him. They exit the dojo completely before Raph even so much as moves.

He says nothing, and Leo doesn’t expect him to. Instead, he feels a rush of wind and Raph roughly brushes by him. He doesn’t look back as he slams the door shut.

Leo closes his eyes and continues standing there. He’s afraid that if he focuses on anything else besides staying upright, he might just break down and cry.

Six hundred twenty thousand two hundred sixteen seconds…

* * *

Three days after that, eight hundred sixty-four thousand seconds After, Leo knows that things won’t be the same.

He knew that night, of course. But That wasn’t This.

This is different.

This is much, much different.

He and Raph had never gotten along well. Okay, that’s a lie. They got along just fine, when both were in the mood. But they were too similar, too close to each other, to really get along without any problems.

Things had changed.

And it wasn’t until eight hundred sixty-four thousand three hundred sixty-one seconds After that Leo realized just much he and Raph weren’t okay.

He’s sitting at the kitchen table, long after everyone else had eaten breakfast. Well, after his brothers ate-Master Splinter doesn’t come out of his room for more than training now; usually Mikey leaves him food outside his door. Leo’s been avoiding his family as well, but it’s a little difficult when they live so close together.

At the moment, though, he’s not thinking of that. He’s more concerned with how he’s going to make things right with Splinter, because he’d messed up. He made a mistake that they couldn’t afford to make. His soggy cereal knows how much he’s thought of this, and Leo wonders off-handedly if maybe he should just give up on the breakfast front and grab a cup of tea instead.

But there’s no tea left save for Master Splinter’s and that’s not something that he’s going to even consider doing; not anymore. They desperately need to go grocery shopping but April and Casey are out on a school trip for another two days, so they all have to wait.

Leo’s thoughts wander again, and he focuses on his spoon. He swirls around the bits of cereal in the milk, the china making a “tink” as he does so absentmindedly.

If only he had listened to Master Splinter in the first place.

Tink.

If only he had stopped Karai.

Tink.

If only he had been faster.

Tink.

If onlys are the only thing that he can think about now. Things he had never thought about before.

If only he hadn’t been so eager to join the surface when they turned fifteen.

Tink.

If only he could have mastered that move.

Tink.

If only he had kept a better eye on his brothers.

Tink.

If only his plan had contained this detail.

Tink.

If only-

Tink-

If only-

Tink.

If only…

Leo sighs, letting the spoon go and pushes the bowl away, watching with disinterest as milk sloshes over the side. He stares at it, thoughts running amok. He really wishes he knew what to do. Master Splinter is obviously done with him; during their training, he barely glances in Leo’s direction. Leo wouldn’t mind too much if his father gave the same attention to his brothers, but…

He’s not quite sure how to fix this, where to start. But something needs to be done, and he’s…

For the first time, Leonardo is lost beyond measure.

He’s about to stand, to put his stuff away and head to the dojo to meditate on everything, when Raph strolls into the kitchen.

When Raph sees Leo, however, his lazy steps turn into angry stomps. His green eyes become furious and guarded and Leo blinks, wondering why, exactly, Raph is behaving like this. It’s not the first time his brother’s been angry with him, but never before has he behaved this hostile towards Leo.

They watch each other as Raph heads to the cupboard and pulls out a glass. Without looking, he reaches into the fridge and grabs the milk. When he feels how much is left, he forgoes the glass and drinks straight from the carton, eyes trained on Leo the entire time.

Leo narrows his eyes, ignoring the darkness on the edges of his vision. Raph knows how much drinking out of the container annoys Leo. He’s about to say something, he even opens his mouth to start, but he catches himself.

Things are different.

Things are very different.

He closes his mouth with an audible snap and glances away. He’s not sure what he did to make Raph so angry, so upset with him. The others are just as mad, he can see it in their movements, can read it in their strikes during training.

Until he knows, Leo doesn’t want to say anything, for fear of making it worse.

Leo waits until Raph finishes, watches him as he exits, and then he crumples. He lets his forehead touch the table, bandana tails trailing in the spilt milk, but he doesn’t care.

Eight hundred sixty-four thousand four hundred ninety-seven seconds After.

He’s sure that things won’t ever be the same.

* * *

One million four hundred sixty-eight thousand eight hundred and three seconds After, things begin the slippery slope downward. 

Leo’s been waiting for this, if he’s honest with himself. He’s been thinking of nothing but this since one million one hundred twenty-two thousand eight hundred fourteen seconds After. He’s been biting his nails ever since Master Splinter told him (without eye contact) that they were allowed to return to the surface.

It’s only for a few hours, but it’s a welcome relief to his brothers, who are getting antsy. He and Raph have barely said a word to each other since that night, but Leo’s becoming used to it; the others don’t say much either.

Not even April or Casey, once they heard what happened.

Leo’s not sure what that means.

But the feeling of fresh air, regardless, is still sweet and for a moment, Leo feels himself relax. He smiles slightly as his brothers whoop ahead of him; he doesn’t lead them anymore… not really.

He’s not sure he’s ready anymore.

They find mutagen. Of course they do; there’s still canisters throughout the city around.

They even find a few Foot bots running around, easily disposed of with a sai to the face, of course.

Leo hasn’t drawn his weapon in a real battle in days.

He’s not prepared, however, for seeing Karai.

She’s the same, but different. She’s the same as she was, same looks. But she’s… she’s _not_ the same. Her skin is a flaky grey shell of what it once was, and her eyes are possessed and Leo knows it’s the mutagen. It’s warped her and unless they can help, she’s gone for good.

Leo’s pretty sure he’s the only one who sees her, slithering beside them as they run.

He doesn’t say anything.

He’s not entirely sure he could even if he wanted to.

* * *

Two million five hundred ninety-two thousand seventy-nine seconds After, things completely fall apart.

It’s a normal run; things have been quiet for weeks, and Leo is finally feeling like he can start doing something. His constant fights with Raph have escalated, but at least the others haven’t shut him out.

Master Splinter has even begun to send glances his way again.

He blames himself when it happens.

A run in with the Foot, the usual. There’s nothing out of the ordinary with this, and Leo doesn’t even spot Karai peeking at them out of the shadows. He draws his swords, feeling the comforting weight for the first time in days.

Leo’s beginning to feel like himself for the first time since.

He can hear his brother’s banter and Mikey’s puns from across the roof, can make out Raph’s shell out of his blurry side vision. Foot ninjas are a welcome distraction for the red-banded turtle, because he can finally let out all the pent up rage that he seems to be holding in him lately.

At least he’s not glaring at Leo.

Halfway through the fight, he and Raph end up shell to shell, and the thought about how _normal_ everything crosses Leo’s mind. He’s elated, and he thinks, _maybe_.

Maybe this was just what they all needed.

But then Leo hears the click, sees a blur of silver beside him, and he’s twisting to get a better look at something he truly feels.

In his movements, he hears Raph curse as he’s thrown off balance, but he’s not paying attention. His entire focus is on the gun that is being held to Mikey’s head, Donnie lying prone on the ground and _when did things get that bad_?!

The ninja is staring at them with his fake eyes, and Leo can feel more than see the others quickly surrounding them. Raph is cornered.

Leo’s mouth feels dry and his heart breaks when he sees Mikey’s terrified eyes roam straight over him to fix on Raph.

It’s two million five hundred ninety-four thousand one hundred six seconds After that Leo realizes that he’s no longer needed.

And it’s two million five hundred ninety-four thousand one hundred seven seconds After that he feels the weight of the world drop onto his shoulders as things happen in slow motion.

Three seconds after that, there’s a venomous glob smoking on the Foot bot’s face and the gun clatters to the ground. The other ninja turn as a blur disappears over the roof and they take off, letting the turtles go. Raph rushes to Mikey, who is pale and shaking, and Donnie slowly rises. He gives Leo a calculating look, while Raph sends him a glare. Leo is rooted to the spot, eyes wide as he wars with himself.

Should he go after her? Should he make sure that Mikey’s okay? There wasn’t a shot fired, and besides a few scrapes and cuts, everyone looks okay. But Karai could handle herself, more now. Should he try, for Master Splinter?

A small voice reminds him of what happened the last time he tried to help.

“Well?”

Raph’s angered growl startles him and he spins to get a good look at his brother. His glare has only increased as he lifts Mikey to his feet.

“Huh?” Leo asks intelligently.

“You gonna abandon your family again to go chasing her?”

Leo blinks as the words wash over him, confused and hurt. He meets Mikey’s eyes, blue on blue, before the younger turns away, taking Raph’s hand with a murmured phrase that Leo can’t hear, leading him away. He turns to Donnie instead, who just smiles sadly at him, before jerking his head across the rooftops.

“Just go,” he says. He follows the others without another word.

Leo watches them go with wide eyes as the realization crashes around him, and he nearly drops his swords in shock.

Two million five hundred ninety-six thousand two hundred thirteen seconds After, Master Splinter doesn’t ask him about the night.

Two million five hundred ninety-eight thousand four hundred eighty-two seconds After, Leo lies in bed, wondering if there’s a way he can fix this as he counts.

Two million five hundred ninety-eight thousand four hundred eighty-three seconds.

Two million five hundred ninety-eight thousand four hundred eighty-four.

Two million five hundred ninety-eight thousand four hundred eighty-five…

At two million five hundred ninety-eight thousand four hundred eighty-six seconds, he wonders when his brothers began to doubt him.

Two million five hundred ninety-eight thousand four hundred eighty-seven seconds After, he wonders when he began doubt himself.

* * *

Five successful mutagen collections, thirteen Foot ninja fights, two fights with Karai, one retreat from Shredder, countless failed missions, and fifteen million seven hundred twenty-six thousand four hundred eighty-two seconds After, Donnie approaches Leo.

Leo’s caught off guard, not having seen his brother creeping up on his from the side in the dojo.

He’s a little apprehensive too-no one’s really talked with him since. Not even April or Casey. Raph only argues with him, while Mikey avoids him. Donnie just doesn’t interact with him if possible.

He’s given up on Master Splinter months ago.

Nearly dropping his swords in surprise, Leo manages to hold onto them as his brother moves slowly in front of him, out of his peripherals. Leo’s silently thankful that he doesn’t have to turn his head; last night’s mission had given him a small case of whiplash.

“Hey,” Donnie greets, giving him a small, awkward wave.

Even more caught off guard that Donnie is voluntarily talking to him, Leo takes a moment to collect his thoughts before he sheaths his swords and replies. “Hi…”

Leo watches as Donnie pauses, shifting from foot to foot. He wonders when he became so hard to talk to, when he was so apprehensive to just talk to his brothers.

At fifteen million seven hundred twenty-six thousand five hundred ninety-six seconds, Donnie finally gives Leo a break After six months.

“There’s something wrong with your eyes, isn’t there?”

For some reason, Leo feels like crying. He feels like, even after all this time, this one thing; this one, insignificant, _personal_ thing, is out in the open and he feels like an imaginary weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Donnie _cares_. His _brother_ cares.

Not trusting himself to speak over the lump in his throat, Leo nods.

Donnie nods in agreement, as if his suspicions are confirmed. “Is it from… from the fight?”

Leo nods again, not unaware that Don also seems to be avoiding talking about that night.

Donnie sighs and turns, motioning for Leo to follow. He does, heading to Donnie’s lab, and sitting where his younger brother tells him.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Donnie says, sitting in front of him with a pen light, shining it in Leo’s eyes.

_So many things_ , Leo thinks, following the light with his eyes. Oh, how he wants to spill his guts to Donnie. _My father hates me, my brothers hate me,_ I _hate me_. _Our family is falling apart and it’s all my fault and I don’t know how to_ fix _this_.

“My peripherals,” he says instead. He ducks his head as Donnie shuts the pen-light off. “It’s just shadows and blurs. I think it’s from the smoke bombs… she hit me with.”

Donnie nods, like everything is falling into place in his head. He gives Leo a small, comforting smile. “Not very good for sneaking, huh?”

Caught off guard by the olive branch, Leo stares for a moment before answering. He returns the smile shakily. “Not really. Also bad if your permanent career choice is ninjitsu.”

His brother’s smile widens somewhat and he stands. He rummages around in his desk drawer for a moment while Leo stares at his movements.

In this moment, right here, he can believe things are okay. At fifteen million seven hundred twenty-six thousand six hundred thirty-four seconds, Leo can pretend that his actions didn’t have consequences.

He watches as Donnie turns around and holds out a small orange bottle of pills. “Take two of these a day, every 12 hours,” he tells him.

Leo takes them without questions, popping the lid and putting one in his mouth, swallowing it dry immediately. “Thanks,” he replies.

He gets up to leave, but Donnie’s soft voice stops him before he can get too far.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

It feels like the wind was knocked out of him. Leo’s heart plummets to his stomach and he freezes. Fifteen million seven hundred twenty-six thousand seven hundred fifty-nine seconds ago, he would have told Donnie everything. Fifteen million seven hundred twenty-six thousand seven hundred sixty seconds ago, Leo would have had no issue confessing his feelings to his brother, his flesh-and-blood. But now, fifteen million seven hundred twenty-six thousand seven hundred sixty-one seconds After, Leo holds his tongue.

He shrugs nonchalantly. “Would it have made a difference?” he asks.

There’s a long, pregnant pause, before Donnie replies, anger and frustration lacing his voice. “Why would you even ask that? Of course it would!”

Leo wants to believe it. Oh, how he wants to believe his brother. But Donnie doesn’t get it. _Leo_ was the one who messed everything up. _Leo_ was the one responsible for the destruction of his family. Part of him believed he deserved this. The other part knew that even if he had stepped forward earlier, his family would have seen it as just another failure.

“Are you sure?” Leo responds quietly. He finally looks at his brother, sees the mixture of anger, sorrow, frustration, and worry on his face.

Donnie sputters. “What in the-of course I’m sure! Leo, you’re my brother! You think I like watching you suffer?”

_Yes_.

“I’m sorry,” he says instead.

There’s a long pause before Donnie speaks. “Sorry for what?” he asks.

Turning around, so that he can’t see his face, Leo replies with a soft, “everything…” before he leaves the lab.

But by god, he was going to make things right.

* * *

Approximately thirty-one million five hundred fifty-seven thousand six hundred seconds After, and Leo knows for a fact that if things aren’t okay a year later, then things will never be okay. 

Master Splinter can still barely tolerate him. He corrects Leo’s stances, makes criticisms where need be, and can actually look _at_ him. But the quiet meditation sessions, the relaxed chess games, the small conversations in the middle of the night when neither can sleep; those are gone. Those are gone and Leo is sure they’re never coming back.

When the two cross paths those late nights, Master Splinter says nothing; they wait in awkward silence as the tea brews, the old rate fills his mug, and shuffles back into his room. Leo sits self-consciously at the kitchen table, hoping and praying that his master, sensei, _father_ will say something to him that’s not a critique.

He never does.

At twenty-nine million nine hundred seventy-one thousand one hundred eighteen seconds, Leo gives up any pretense of things improving.

So now, thirty-one million five hundred fifty-seven thousand six hundred one seconds, one year and one second After, as Leo stands on a rooftop and listens to Raph scream obscenities at him while Donnie tends to an injured Mikey just out of Leo’s vision (the pills Donnie gave him months ago help, he can see shapes again, but they’re still dark and Leo still gets startled every once in a while), Leo feels detached.

He feels like he should play the game that he and Raph have been playing for months, but Leo can’t seem to bring himself to. He stands with Raph inches from his face and thirty-one million five hundred fifty-seven thousand six hundred seventy-four seconds After, Leo gives up. He thinks of all the pain he endured and all the words, spoken and not, that were said at him, and he can’t do this anymore. He can’t sit here and be blamed for this rift in his family more than he’s already blaming himself. His family is sinking, and he’s thrown everything he’s had at trying to keep them afloat and…

It’s not enough.

He has nothing left to give.

“Are you even listening to me?” Raph is screaming. Leo can feel his hot breath on his face. “God, you’re so high and mighty, aren’t you? You think that just because you’re leader, you don’t have to listen to anyone else!”

_That’s not true_ , Leo thinks, eyes focused just past Raph on the horizon. He remains silent.

“If you had been paying attention and listened to Donnie when he said he felt something off, Mikey wouldn’t have a gash in his upper arm!” Raph seems to be getting more amped up.

“I’m cool, bro,” Mikey says. “No harm, no foul.”

Raph’s eyes flash. Leo holds back a wince. “But there _was_ harm, which means there _was_ a foul, and Leo doesn’t _care_!”

“Raph…” Donnie’s voice is soft, and Leo wonders when a divide began to form between brothers.

“All _you_ care about,” Raph jabs Leo’s chest with a finger, “is finding Karai so you can be Splinter’s pet again!”

_Not true…_

“Raph, can we not do this?” Leo asks, feeling drained. “I’m tired.”

His brother looks like he swallowed a ghost pepper. “You’re _tired_?” he screeches. “What have you done to be tired, huh? For the past year, I’ve watched you do nothing but slouch around and have your own personal pity party while the rest of us are trying to cope with the fact that you screwed up, and now we’re all paying the price!”

Leo feels like he’s ready to burst at the frayed seams. It was one thing telling himself this, another having Splinter recognize it and refuse to acknowledge it. But this was a whole new ballgame having his brother throw it back in his face.

“So what do you have to say for yourself, huh?” Raph asks. He gives Leo’s shoulder a shove. “What does our Fearless Leader have to say about his big screw up?” Another, harder shove. “What does the great _Leonardo_ have to say about not listening to Splinter?”

Shove.

“What about letting Karai slip past you?”

Shove.

“Raph…” Donnie warned.

“What about letting Splinter’s own flesh and blood _daughter_ get mutated?”

Shove.

“Raph, wait…” Mikey whined.

“What about abandoning your own brother to go after some mutated snake lady after she spits _venom_ in his eyes?”

Raph shoves both his shoulders that time and Leo staggers back, tripping in his surprise, and falls to the rooftop. He blinks at Raph, who is looking down at him with pain and sorrow and anger and…

Distrust…

Thirty-one million five hundred fifty-seven thousand eight hundred twenty-three seconds After, Leo realizes that he lost the trust and respect of not just his father, but his brothers as well.

It’s like a punch to the gut. Leo blinks at the sudden wetness in his eyes, refusing to let tears fall.

Because Raph was right. He let his desire… his _need_ … for Splinter’s affection get in the way of what really mattered. Because he was afraid that with the return of Splinter’s daughter, he would be shoved aside.

“Raphael!”

Donnie’s stern shout cuts through the tension like a knife.

Leo lets his head fall to his chest, trying to get his emotions under control, and Raph huffs and stomps away.

“Leo…”

“It’s okay, Don,” Leo mutters, climbing to his feet. He faces away from his brothers. “I’ll… meet you back home.”

He ignores Raph’s murmured “typical” and as soon as they’re gone, turns to look at the New York skyline.

Thirty-one million five hundred fifty-seven thousand nine hundred one seconds After, Leonardo makes up his mind.

* * *

Thirty-two million, one hundred forty thousand, eight hundred seconds After, long after his brothers have retired for the night and Master Splinter is still awake, Leo takes a deep breath and gently knocks on his father’s door.

There is a short pause before Splinter’s voice calls him in. “Enter.”

Leo hesitates briefly before steeling himself and going through the door. He has never felt awkward in his father’s room. With its candles and incense, Leo has always associated this room with comfort.

Now though, Leo feels out of place.

Master Splinter is sitting cross-legged on his mat, back towards the door. Back towards Leonardo.

“Sensei?”

“Yes, Leonardo. What… seems to be troubling you?”

Leo takes a deep breath and shuffles from foot to foot, unsure if he should remain standing or sit like his father.

“Leonardo?”

“Sensei, I…” Leo goes over the practiced speech in his head, trying to get the words from his brain to his mouth.

“Leonardo!”

“I think I should go away for a while!”

Leo flinches at the way his words flow from his mouth. He waits, watching his father’s back tense even more than it already is, and wonders if he made another mistake. But he thinks back to the past year and knows, in the depths of his heart, that this is the right call.

Splinter doesn’t move, doesn’t turn around. Leo takes a deep breath and continues.

“I know this past year has been hard… on all of us…” Leo says to Splinter’s back. “Mikey and Donnie are doubting me, Raph doesn’t respect me, and…” he pauses, only briefly, before going on, “and you don’t trust me. I’ve been trying to fix things since… since that night, but no matter what I do, I just make things worse. I’m not helping anyone being here. I think the best thing to do is to leave things be, let them sort themselves out, but I can’t do that here. So I need to leave.”

Leo stares at his father, who has yet to make a move or sound, with wide eyes.

The pregnant silence between them makes Leo antsy, and he fidgets, thinking of how Mikey-like he’s being right now. If only his brothers could see him now; what would they think of him? Would they protest this decision? Would they agree?

“Where will you go?”

Splinter’s voice is unexpected, but not unwelcome. Leo lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Splinter was agreeing with him. That was good!

Leo wonders why it feels like a punishment, especially when he was the one who suggested it in the first place.

“I was thinking out of the country,” Leo says softly. “Head south.”

Finally, Splinter moves. He stands, his old bones crackling with age. He turns around and walks to Leo, standing before him. Leo swallows, trying not to show his apprehension.

“Leonardo, are you sure about this?” he asks, placing both hands on Leo’s shoulders.

Feeling overwhelmed by the unexpected gentle touch, Leo’s knees go weak, and it takes all his strength to keep standing. Once he composes himself, he looks into his father’s eyes and nods resolutely.

“More sure than anything in my life,” he whispers. He lowers his gaze. “I’m only making things worse right now. What we all need is some space, and me being here is just a constant reminder of… of that night.”

He’s startled by the embrace that Splinter pulls him into, not sure how to react.

“I am sorry, my son,” Splinter says, and Leo starts. Of all the things that he imagined, this is not the way things were supposed to happen. “I fear that all of us were so caught up in our suffering and dealing with things in our own way, that we failed to see that you were not dealing at all.”

“Master Splinter, I-”

“I owe you my deepest apologies,” Splinter continued. “I have been so focused on the loss of my daughter, that I did not realize that I was losing a son in the process.”

Thirty-two million, one hundred forty thousand, nine hundred fifty-seven seconds After, Leo wraps his arms around his father, returning his embrace, feeling validated for the first time in over a year.

* * *

When Raph goes down for breakfast in the morning, he is suddenly hit with the feeling that something is Not Right. Complete with capital letters.

His eyes narrow as he enters the kitchen. Donnie is already at the table, reading a huge book on his lap and he sips at his coffee. Mikey is at the stove, mindlessly flipping pancakes and humming softly under his breath. Master Splinter isn’t here, but Raph knows that he is in his room down the hall.

There is a pit in his stomach and he doesn’t know why.

Silently, he crosses the threshold and pours himself a bowl of cereal, going to the fridge to get the milk. He growls when he realizes there is none.

“Who forgot to get milk?” he says, slamming the door shut.

Donnie looks up from his book, eyes focusing as he processes the issue. “Dunno. Wasn’t my turn.”

“Mikey?” Raph growls.

“Don’t look at me, dude,” his younger brother says, transferring his pancake to a plate and starting another one. “I did groceries a few weeks ago. It was Leo’s turn.”

That’s when Raph realizes that Leo is Not Here. Capital letters because this is not right. Leo is always present at breakfast, no matter how quiet he was the past year. Raph knows because he makes a point to glare at him at least three times during the morning meal.

But Leo’s seat in the corner of the kitchen is empty.

“Where is he?” he asks.

Donnie turns to look at the empty chair and shrugs. “Sleeping in, probably.”

Raph feels another pit in his stomach. Leo doesn’t sleep in. Leo wakes the rest of them up if they are in bed past nine. Which means that if Leo is sleeping in, he is either sick or dead.

“No wonder people call turtles slow,” Raph mutters, heading out of the kitchen to stomp to Leo’s room. He needs to see his brother for himself, to get this feeling out of his stomach. He might have been acting like a jerk lately, but that didn’t mean he didn’t love his brother. It just… it hurt, when Leo had run right past him that night and overlooked him in favor of Karai.

So maybe he acted out, but he wasn’t sure how else to tell Leo that.

He wasn’t great at feelings, after all.

“Rise and shine!” he shouts as he barges into Leo’s room. He pauses when he sees it’s empty. “Must be in the dojo.”

Raph heads to the dojo, but that’s empty too. A feeling of despair overtakes him, and he heads back to the kitchen.

“Did Leo go out for a run?” he asks, even though he knows that Leo wouldn’t go out in broad daylight.

Mikey shakes his head, sitting at the table with a stack of pancakes. “Don’t think so.”

“Leonardo is gone.”

Raph’s stomach is full of pits as he whirls around to look at Master Splinter. The large rate is standing in the doorframe, eyes sorrowful.

“What?”

“Gone?” Donnie asks, eyes wide.

“Where?” Mikey questions.

Master Splinter runs a careful eye over his sons before sighing. Raph feels like he’s going to be sick. Maybe he should have been nicer to Leo?

“He is away for training,” his father says. “He felt that, in order to become the leader he needs to be, he must learn from himself. He will return soon, after he has reached inner peace.”

Donnie and Mikey are staring, slack-jawed, as Master Splinter nods to himself, then turns tail and heads to the dojo.

“He _left_?” Mikey whispers.

Raph can’t believe this. Their family is falling apart and Leo decides that now is the time to take a vacation?

“He didn’t say anything yesterday,” Donnie mutters. “I didn’t even know he was planning this.”

“He didn’t even say goodbye…” Mikey’s voice is laced with sadness, and he drops his fork to the table, pushing away the plate of pancakes.

“Good riddance,” Raph growls. He can’t take this. Their tiny family is being torn in every direction, and his brother just ups and _leaves_? Without so much as a _goodbye_? He slams his fist on the table, and his brothers jump. “We’re better off without him anyways.”

“Raph!” Donnie calls angrily as Raph retreats.

This is ridiculous. Screw Leo. If he wanted to abandon his family when they needed to stick together, fine. As far as Raph was concerned, Leo just couldn’t handle the fact that he wasn’t Splinter’s golden boy anymore and ran.

“Where are you going?” Donnie demanded.

“I’m leaving!” Raph snarled, looking back at an uncharacteristically furious Donnie. “Unlike Leo, though, I’ll be back. Because I have enough common decency to tell my _family_ that I’m going somewhere and will be back in a few hours.”

He needed fresh air. He needed to see the sky. He needed the tears in his eyes to _go away_.

He needed his brother…

* * *

Thirty-two million two hundred twenty-seven thousand two hundred seconds After, Leonardo steps onto the dirt of Central America and breathes in the smell of dirt and jungle. He lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in a deep sigh. 

He looks at the sky, sees unfamiliar birds flying overhead, the familiar sun on his face, and, for the first time in one year and eight days, thirty-two million two hundred twenty-seven thousand three hundred twelve seconds After, he smiles.

Thirty-two million two hundred twenty-seven thousand three hundred thirteen seconds After, Leonardo finally feels like he can stop counting how many seconds he’s failed his family.

Thirty-two million two hundred twenty-seven thousand three hundred fourteen seconds After, Leonardo decides to count the number of seconds that he’s doing right by his family.

He takes a step toward the jungle.

One.


End file.
